I'm 28 years old and I don't know what I want to do with my life.

2011-03-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

That's right. 28 years of my life have passed and I don't really feel like I've started truly living this thing called Life. I will be separating from the military soon after four years of service to my country. Is it strange that when I write the words "service to my country" I don't feel that that's what I've been doing? I love the United States and I am proud to be an American but I would be lying if I said the only reason I signed on the dotted line was because I had my homeland's number one interests at heart.
I originally joined the military because I hated my job. I saw the military as an option to escape the rut of what had become my daily life. I bought into the "see the world" aspect of all the recruiting advertisements. I first talked to my Dad about my intentions to join the military who was more than happy to visit a recruiter with me. My Dad has served in the US Army Reserves for as long as I can remember so when he told me that the Air Force would be the best choice for me I listened. He said that the Air Force treats their people better. It didn't take much convincing after that. I figured my job couldn't get any worse. Then I went to Basic Military Training as they call it in the Air Force. Boot camp is the term used more loosely for any kind of military basic training. I spent six and a half weeks at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, TX. I will never forget my time there. It was one of the most stressful times of my life and I'm glad to have that brief moment of my life over and done with.
After "boot camp" I was flown to Wichita Falls, Texas where I would be going to school to learn how to do the job the US Air Force needed me to do. I was to become a Munitions Systems Apprentice. Everybody in the military calls it AMMO. Our job is to maintain any and all munitions assets at a particular base. We can learn to inspect, store, build and transport bombs, small arms, missiles and basically anything that's designed to hurt or kill another human being. There's a saying in our career field; "If you ain't Ammo you ain't shit!" and you're supposed to shout it at the top of your lungs with pride. Most that have been in Ammo, in my experience, longer than a month will definitely not be proud when chanting that. They will be doing it because their supervisor or some high ranking personnel needs to hear it before they will leave. So the point I'm trying to make is that my job has sucked for the past four years. I do not regret joining the military though. I just know that it is not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I have thought about joining the Guard or Reserves but I do not want to get stuck in something again for such a long period of time that I hate doing. I feel that I would enjoy my job more if I saw first hand the actions of what I did was a benefit to somebody. I think I would like to serve in a more humanitarian role such as helping victims of natural disasters but with the military you can never be sure what you will be doing one month to the next. It's this uncertainty that has turned me off re-enlisting.
As I said before I will be leaving the active duty military soon and it is now time for me to sit down and do some incredibly deep soul searching. I felt like I have done that yet I still have no idea what I want to do. I have options. I can go back to school which has not always been my biggest passion to put it lightly. I can try to seek a job which transfers from military job to civilian job. I can work for somebody that my military friend is trying to hook me up with. I can collect unemployment(for a time). These are the thoughts that have kept me up through the nights. I have told my wife and other people some of these thoughts and they all seem to have the same answers. Usually they will ask "Well what are your interests?". I do have many interests but I see no way of monetizing them. Maybe I'm just not being open-minded. I enjoy playing videogames. When I say playing I mean just that. I'm not interested in designing them or writing them or testing them. I mean sitting on the couch and playing them. I also enjoy watching movies and surfing the internet. Music is a hobby of mine that I used to be very passionate about but now that passion has dwindled some. My favorite bands have remained the same and I enjoy going to concerts but I don't feel the same zest and excitement I once felt when one of my favorite bands would come to town. When I first started going to college I was studying Film. Film has been another passion of mine from as far back as I can remember but like music I just stopped thinking about it as much. The love wasn't there anymore and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I think I would enjoy being a film editor one day but is it selfish to want to find a job that you love instead of pursuing a career that is stable and that you will be able to provide for your family with? Two of the main reasons I decided to leave the military is because I didn't want to be a part time father or a part time husband. I know the requirements of being a film editor include long hours so would I be leaving one stressful, long hours, work weekends type of job for another one? Will I ever have the perfect life? Should I just stop whining? Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Listen to me bitch

I'm 28 years old and I don't know what I want to do with my life.